The big 30

It is 12.14am and I am officially 30. Yes my 20s have passed. In this time by the grace of God, I have obtained a double degree in finance and economics, bought a unit and a house, married the most loving, kind and handy husband, had 2 wonderful, adorable children, and embarked on uni again to (try to) become a good physiotherapist.

I want to thank God for preserving my life and watching over me at every stage. He has surrounded me with a wonderful and loving family with two very loving and generous grandparents, and expanded it through Josh's family, whom I now consider my own. 

I also thank God for such kind and amazing friends, and caring about the little details. 

Mostly, I thank God for my own family, Josh and my two precious babies Jayden and Kayla. 

My goals are to be able to be a good mother and successfully raise my children well, be a good wife to my dear husband, daughter to my respective parents and grandparents, sister to my siblings and friend to my friends. I would like (and make it a goal) to keep up with my health and fitness in order to maintain my body in its optimal condition. I also want to successfully finish my degree and start my career in physiotherapy. I would like also to keep blogging and taking photos of the children, to be able to preserve these precious memories. Most importantly, I would like my thirties to be a testament to Gods goodness, and also for me to form a closer relationship with Him. I would like Josh to start being more involved in the worship team as he once was, and for me to be able to release him wholeheartedly into his ministry as I currently still struggle with this.

All in all, it has been an amazing two decades past. Here's to my third decade of life, may I fulfil these aforementioned goals..

Happy 1st Birthday Kayla!!

Dear Kayla,

This time last year I started labouring and you entered the world.
Amazingly perfect. You were the best baby, sleeping through and people said what an easygoing, happy baby you were.

Today I showered you for the first time with just the shower, and mummy. No bathtub. You were.. absolutely terrified and kept wailing the entire time for Daddy to come back and get you out of there. In my defense, I had to - as you have tonsilitis on one side, and such a runny nose with a cough and I wanted to try and clear as much secretions I could by running a hot shower and letting you breathe in the damp air, and water running down your back directly.

Which brings me to my point. You are sick. After your hospitalisation in late Feb/early March for rhinovirus and adenovirus and seeing you with the NGT and being so miserable and sick (yes seeing the doctors poke you trying to find a vein about 4times was especially heart wrenching), we had a good run, and you were alright, healthy, happy and gaining weight. Until about 2 weeks ago when kor-kor caught that cold and he passed it unknowingly to you. My poor baby. But you still manage to keep your spirits up, always smiling and laughing even though you are struggling to breathe through your mouth as your nose is blocked...

You are a fighter. You are a champion. If I've learnt anything this past year is that you, my second baby, are the most easy-going baby I've ever come across. You seem to adapt easily to anything - even going out during your nap time, you dont even make a fuss, so much so that its easy to forget the baby strapped to Mummy's chest. I know you have your moments (who doesn't?!), but even though you try to assert your will and command your brother to fetch your things, you are still the cutest angriest baby around (yes im biased but rightly so).

You love snuggling up against Mum. You also love just peacefully observing the world. At times I catch you trying to mimic your brother, father and myself. And you certainly have developed a whole lot of words by 1.. being able to say "DADDY" and "BOOK" and "BALL" and "STOP!!" and "ABBITT" (rabbit) sometimes, when you choose to, "MAMMMAAAYYY". We especially love how you refuse to say "Mummy" and how you always say "DADDY!!" instead so deliberately and breaking into your cheeky smile after.

Happy 1st birthday my precious darling.
Here's to many, many more and we look forward to doing life with you and getting to know you even more, especially after the glimpses we've seen of your character this year.

Mummy resolves to record more details of your life on this blog for your 2nd year.

We love you.

Mummy, Daddy and kor-kor Jayden

Physio is hard.. and its okay to let go..

I went into this year with an unchangeable outlook on uni - to completely finish off 3rd year by June and start 4th year in July. The plan was to graduate in July 2016. Onwards and forwards right?

Placement and just being back at uni was overwhelming. After a month of preclinicals, and then, in the first 2 weeks of placement, all my plans came crashing down. I felt like I was constantly behind, trying to prove myself, and yet I did not remember the most fundamental, crucial things from my first and second years.. I was so stressed out and anxious that I lost 3 kg in a month (yes, should be happy about this but I just.. didnt even have time to reflect and enjoy my newfound weightloss). The anxiety was horrible.

I finally broke down and started crying infront of my clinical educator. She was very nice, but quite firm that if I continued to panic and stress there was a chance that I would not be able to pass as I would not be able to perform in the upcoming exam. So that very day, I went straight into uni and spoke to both the course and subject coordinators, who took one look at me and straightaway suggested pulling me out of the course and that I needed to take some time to relax and unwind (yes i broke down and cried in front of them too).

Upon reflection, it was really challenging coming back to uni, especially after 11 months of being away. Also, I do feel that much of my anxiety and stress comes from the fact that I did not do ample revision, thus I didnt feel confident. At all. Also, my family and home life suffered - even though I was physically there cooking dinner, looking after the kids, mentally all I could think about was how bad I was doing.

I am usually not such a bad student. I've made the Uni Merit Awards (the top 15% of the course) for the past 3 years running, and the only reason why I'm not beating myself up for not making the Chancellor's list (top 5%) is because I feel I've got enough on my plate at the moment (a good-looking, cheeky and loving 4 year old and a happy bubbly baby to look after, not to mention the housework, chores, and being a wife to my patient and very awesome husband).

So its okay to fail. Technically I didn't fail, just withdrew with no consequences to my GPA, as I pulled out before all the assessments were made. But its okay to fail at wanting to have kept my schedule for uni.

I also saw a counsellor who helped me make the decision to postpone this subject to next semester. She basically helped me count the cost - what suffers? your health? family life? or would you prefer to compromise the time it takes to reach your goal?

My ultimate unwavering goal is still to finish Physiotherapy and become a good and effective physiotherapist.. But in the mean time, my short term ones need to be revisited and reset, and they are, in no particular order:

1. To be a good mother and wife to my family.
2. To clean the house and get rid of unwanted junk.
3, To revise for Paeds and Primary and Ambulatory Care well, and pass 3rd year by the end of 2015.
4. To keep my mind and body fit by regular exercises (yes this includes walking the dog!!)

Family fun times..

I've been in Singapore with the kids for nearly 2 months now, living with my parents. It's been such a great time of reconnecting, catching up and spending time with all my family. Very rarely are we all in Singapore at the same time. Majority of the time we haven't gone anywhere special or gone out of our way to do anything, on the contrary just being able to be there for the simple, mundane everyday ADLs  of the Koh family is special. 

Things like meeting my grandparents for lunch, where mama will drive us to explore some new mall, or just going over there for family dinner; visiting my aunties and uncles; waking up in my old room; watching tv on my parent's bed; going to church - the church I grew up in; meeting old friends..

Josh arrived on the 24th... And boy was Jayden excited to see him. 

Also, my brother and sister-in-law took last week off especially to spend time with the family and for Christmas!!! Jayden was really excited to put up the tree - can you believe my parents decided not to have a tree so I ended up putting it up with Jayden. 

And the presents. Oh. The sheer amount. 

Thank you Becca for the T-shirts..

We also visited the zoo, sentosa's port of lost wonders, went out to eat.. Amazing. Truly. I wasn't focused on taking pictures but my dad was!! We ended up getting caught in the heavy torrential Singapore rain, but turns out the water playground is fun.. For any age. 

Merry Christmas, Happy holidaying and a Happy New Year!!!

I thank God for the special and wonderful time of the year.. That He has made possible to share with my family.