I went into this year with an unchangeable outlook on uni - to completely finish off 3rd year by June and start 4th year in July. The plan was to graduate in July 2016. Onwards and forwards right?
Placement and just being back at uni was overwhelming. After a month of preclinicals, and then, in the first 2 weeks of placement, all my plans came crashing down. I felt like I was constantly behind, trying to prove myself, and yet I did not remember the most fundamental, crucial things from my first and second years.. I was so stressed out and anxious that I lost 3 kg in a month (yes, should be happy about this but I just.. didnt even have time to reflect and enjoy my newfound weightloss). The anxiety was horrible.
I finally broke down and started crying infront of my clinical educator. She was very nice, but quite firm that if I continued to panic and stress there was a chance that I would not be able to pass as I would not be able to perform in the upcoming exam. So that very day, I went straight into uni and spoke to both the course and subject coordinators, who took one look at me and straightaway suggested pulling me out of the course and that I needed to take some time to relax and unwind (yes i broke down and cried in front of them too).
Upon reflection, it was really challenging coming back to uni, especially after 11 months of being away. Also, I do feel that much of my anxiety and stress comes from the fact that I did not do ample revision, thus I didnt feel confident. At all. Also, my family and home life suffered - even though I was physically there cooking dinner, looking after the kids, mentally all I could think about was how bad I was doing.
I am usually not such a bad student. I've made the Uni Merit Awards (the top 15% of the course) for the past 3 years running, and the only reason why I'm not beating myself up for not making the Chancellor's list (top 5%) is because I feel I've got enough on my plate at the moment (a good-looking, cheeky and loving 4 year old and a happy bubbly baby to look after, not to mention the housework, chores, and being a wife to my patient and very awesome husband).
So its okay to fail. Technically I didn't fail, just withdrew with no consequences to my GPA, as I pulled out before all the assessments were made. But its okay to fail at wanting to have kept my schedule for uni.
I also saw a counsellor who helped me make the decision to postpone this subject to next semester. She basically helped me count the cost - what suffers? your health? family life? or would you prefer to compromise the time it takes to reach your goal?
My ultimate unwavering goal is still to finish Physiotherapy and become a good and effective physiotherapist.. But in the mean time, my short term ones need to be revisited and reset, and they are, in no particular order:
1. To be a good mother and wife to my family.
2. To clean the house and get rid of unwanted junk.
3, To revise for Paeds and Primary and Ambulatory Care well, and pass 3rd year by the end of 2015.
4. To keep my mind and body fit by regular exercises (yes this includes walking the dog!!)
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